5 Essential Elements Every Mentor-Mentee Relationship Needs

The mentor-mentee relationship can be likened to that of a painting, with the mentor providing the broad and clear strokes of direction and the mentee filling in the details. To continue the analogy, the colours are the skills that are being built as you work together. As a partnership, you’ll be using a broad range of techniques to create a piece of art.

This kind of teamwork, of course, requires a lot of collaboration. It requires both parties to understand one another, work with one another, and help one another. Without building this remarkable relationship, the masterpiece will never be successfully completed. But how can you create this kind of collaborative mentor-mentee relationship?

The 5 Keys to a Successful Mentoring Relationship

There’s a lot of discussion on the characteristics of a good mentoring relationship, we’ve compiled this guide to the most essential elements that both sides agree with completely.

1. Open Communication

First on our list of keys to a successful mentoring relationship is the importance of maintaining open communication. This is a no-brainer, and yet it’s also the hardest of the lot.

Everyone knows that without communication a relationship simply cannot work. You need to talk to teach, clarify and understand. You need to communicate to understand viewpoints, give feedback (and receive it), improve, and build up. So why is it so hard?

Life can get in the way of so many good things if we allow it to. Hours rush by and time disappears. Before you know it, you haven’t spoken to each other in weeks. Whose responsibility is it to re-open communication?

Many would say it’s the responsibility of the mentee. After all, if they really want to learn, they’d keep the lines of communication open. But it’s also the responsibility of the mentor. If enough time goes by, the mentee may be put off reopening those lines. Sometimes, a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

There are ways you can improve the lines of communication if needed too. Dropping your mentor or mentee a quick message or email is an easy way to re-open the lines of communication if you haven’t spoken for a while.

Periods of inactivity in your mentor-mentee relationship can be avoided by setting specific times in the calendar when you talk. Once a week for an hour can go a long way, whether it’s via phone, Zoom or another video conferencing app, or even by meeting up for lunch or a coffee. By taking the initiative to set up something regular right at the start of the relationship and making it a priority to stick to it, you’re setting lines of communication that will improve your relationship after every meeting.

2. Honesty

Taylor Lautner once said: “Honesty and Loyalty are key. If two people can be honest with each other about everything, that’s probably the biggest key to success.”

Both parties in a mentor and mentee relationship need to be honest with each other. “Why wouldn’t they be?”, I hear you ask. When you think about it, we all have a tendency to be slightly dishonest with ourselves and others. Do any of these phrases sound familiar?

• I’ll remember that. I don’t need to write it down.
• No, you did great! Honest!
• I’ll have it finished on time. I can afford a day off.

Such dishonesty, even in these small ways, can cause problems in the mentor-mentee relationship. For example: if a mentor doesn’t want to give honest feedback because of its negative connotations, then the mentee will never improve; if the mentee says they can meet a goal in a certain period when they really can’t, they’re going to miss targets or find themselves under immense stress; if either side hears something and promises the other that they’ll remember it and then doesn’t, that can start breaking down trust in the relationship.

Honesty needs to be in the small things as well as the big things. Be clear with each other on what you can and can’t achieve. Make it clear at the start of the mentoring relationship that honesty is expected from both sides, no matter what that honesty means. Even if it’s feedback that can hurt, it’s essential to the growth of your mentor-mentee relationship, and you’ll both be closer to it.

3. Goals and Expectations

Mentoring goals should be reachable. The mentee can expect the mentor to help them set the right type of goals and the mentor can expect the mentee to reach them.

In a game of football, each member of the team expects them to play their part. That’s how the game will be won. If any member is too busy inciting the crowd or checking his phone, they aren’t playing their part and they’ll lose the respect of their team. Why?

Those expectations mean a lot! To not live up to the achievable expectations that have been set out for you is to disrespect the other person – it will undermine the mentor-mentee relationship, eventually ending it completely unless something is done.

Tips for mentors:

• Make sure the goals you set are within the agreed terms with your mentee
• Always consult your mentee about goals and milestones to make sure they are in agreement
• Set dates for the goals that work for both of you
• Show confidence in your mentee and point them towards the tools they need to succeed

Tips for mentees:

• Once a goal is set with the mentor, always strive to meet it
• Use the tools provided by your mentor to get to where you need to be
• Be open and honest about the goals achievability and dates
• Show your mentor that you’ll do what needs to be done and that they’re not wasting time when they’re working with you

4. Respect

Respect is one of the most important characteristics of a good mentoring relationship of all. Both the mentor and the mentee invest a lot of time and effort into making the partnership work, reaching the necessary goals and doing projects together, so both sides need to respect the effort that the other is putting in.

Respect means showing honour to one another, being mindful of each other’s needs, cares and feelings. It also means speaking with respect, listening carefully and being patient.

If you admire someone, you don’t look down on them or lecture them, and you give them a chance to speak, even if they’ve done something you don’t agree with. Respect is about being considerate, thoughtful and polite, no matter who they are, what their standing is or where they’re from.

Respect in a mentor-mentee relationship needs to go both ways. It’s easy to admire and respect a mentor, as you wouldn’t have asked them to be a mentor if you didn’t respect what they had achieved. In turn, mentors should respect their mentee for their potential and what they could become.

To be respectful of each other, it’s good to first note all the positive qualities about each other. While you may not naturally respect them, searching for positive qualities helps you to build your respect. Some practical things you can both do to improve respect include:

• Letting each other finish a sentence before speaking
• Listening attentively when the other is speaking
• Being mindful of the language you use
• Remembering your manners. Little gestures go a long way.
• Keeping to the agreed boundaries. Crossing this line is a mark of disrespect

5. Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another of the keys of a successful mentoring relationship – it’s crucial so that both sides know where they stand. As a result, misunderstandings are less likely and frustrations can be avoided. But what kind of boundaries are we talking about?

• Confidentiality: set rules around confidentiality at the start of your mentor-mentee relationship. One or both of you might end up talking about some of the most embarrassing moments in your life or difficulties you’ve been through. Let each other know if there are things you want to go no further. Of course, if there’s a legal reason to break the confidentiality code with your mentor or mentee, then you probably need to do so…
• Limits: the mentee goes to a mentor to learn something. Make sure you both agree on when this limit is reached. If the mentor can teach no more, as the mentee has learned everything they have, it’s time for the mentee to move on.
• Culture conflicts: address these at the start if you foresee a future problem. This could be because one is a completely different generation, or from a different background. People do things differently depending on how they have been raised. Discuss your differences and embrace them. Read more about mentoring millennials or working with Gen Z.
• Understand what a mentor is and is not: they’re not a therapist, a boss, or a parent. Have clear lines on what you are and aren’t talking about. Show support to your mentee, but make sure they understand that you’re not there to listen to all of their woes if it’s not related to your mentoring – respectfully, of course.
• Home life: this will be different depending on the person. Some like to keep their lives at home separate, others like to share a few more details. Make sure you both know where the other stands when it comes to home life, and respect the other’s decision to talk, or not talk, about it.

Create a Mentor-Mentee Relationship That Works For You

Ready to embark on your next mentor-mentee relationship? Career Navig8r’s online mentoring platform makes it easy to build a collaborative partnership that works for both parties.

When mentees find a mentor they’d like to work with, they’ll get the chance to have a free 20-minute discovery call to check whether both parties share values and get along. If not, they’ll be able to search for someone else who feels like a better match. Mentoring sessions are then available in 1 hour blocks, which is a good amount of time to set goals, establish boundaries and communicate openly each week.

Sign up to Career Navig8r today and find out what it’s like to be part of a successful mentor and mentee relationship.