How To Know What To Look For In a Mentor

Getting a mentor can be a real benefit to your career and your life. The world is full of capable and willing people ready to help you become a better person but finding the right one for you can be tricky.

Mentors are human, like you and me. They might be known as legends, or superstars, to the people around them but, at the end of the day, they are normal people who make mistakes, have skills that make them great, and faults that make them look bad. This can make it tricky to find the right mentor for you because humans, as a whole, tend to focus on the negative aspects of each other rather than the positive.

One must therefore keep an open mind when hunting down a mentor. They must remember that we are human, and they must look for a few essential things to find the right mentor for them. These things will be different for each individual depending on their needs. Here’s how to know what to look for.

First, Know What You Need

It is no good wading into the haystack if you don’t know what your needle looks like. It is true that most needles can do the job, but a cross-stitch needle will leave holes if used to sew a patch onto your jacket, and a leather needle will ruin your cross stitch. 

The point? Your haystack is the number of mentors available in today’s world, the needle is your perfect mentor. If you know what job the tool needs to do, you have a better chance of understanding its qualities. You can then find the tool to do the job to perfection. 

So, ask yourself, what do you need a mentor for?

Answer the following questions to help yourself get an idea of the type of person you are going to need.

• What skills are you trying to develop?
• What career choice are you aiming for?
• What type of person will your personality work with?
• What are your biggest flaws?
• What personality types do you admire?

Example

Once you have answered these you may have something like the following:

I am trying to become a confident speaker so I may hold lectures on my teaching subject in university. I work well with people who are enthusiastic and overflowing with energy as I am not one to take things slow. I like to keep things exciting so I will work better with someone who can match that energy and enthusiasm. I am not patient with myself or other people. I expect everyone to be on the same wavelength and get frustrated when they are not. I get tongue-tied when I am speaking to people, I do not know. Watching comedians like Kevin Hart and the confidence they show when speaking in front of a crowd is admirable, but I also enjoy listening to the likes of Salman Rushdie.

Once you have the facts written in front of you, you can look with a clearer mind. The above example means that this mentee would not search for a mentor who is too serious. They also know there’s no point in finding a mentor who teaches how to become a CEO as that would not help the mentee become a great speaker. 

The above example also identifies 2 public speakers that they identify with. There is an opportunity here to reach out to these people and ask if they are willing to be a mentor. 

Second, Seek Mentors With Relevant Qualifications

Once you have answered the above questions you need to break down exactly what you need to get where you want to be. Let’s look at that example again: I am trying to become a confident speaker so I may hold lectures on my teaching subject in university… I am not patient with myself or other people. I expect everyone to be on the same wavelength and get frustrated when they are not. I get tongue-tied when I am speaking to people, I do not know.

Take that first question and break your answer down. The example says, confident speaker and lecturer. Personality flaws show a lack of patience and a lack of confidence. So, the mentor skills that would be relevant and useful in this example will be.

• Confident speaker.
• Frequent lecturer.
• Understandable speaker – makes hard topics easy to grasp.
• The amount of patience shown in speaking. Nothing is rushed. 
• Rarely thrown off balance by questions from the audience or unexpected events.

These qualities in speaking are the opposite of the example and what the mentee would strive to be. Look at your own desires and main flaws. What kind of qualifications does your mentor have?

Once you have these details it will be easier to narrow down mentors with the relevant backgrounds that you need to succeed. 

Third, Look At The Mentors Personality

Having the ability to succeed in your chosen career path is one thing. Having the ability to work with you for an extended period of time is another thing completely. 

It is true that a working relationship with a mentor is forever developing, ongoing, and improving. However, it is always best to start on the right foot. You can do this by choosing a mentor that has personality traits that complement your own. 

If you are high energy, find someone with energy just as high, or a little slower if you think you need pulling back. If you overthink things, find someone who doesn’t do that so much and can show you the benefit of not overthinking. Only you can really know what little details you lick with best. 

However, there are some main characteristics every mentor should have. These are essential to have a solid and successful working relationship.

Patience

As you make the long journey to success, mistakes are going to be made. Patience is a vital quality for your mentor. 

Why?

If you made mistakes and they got frustrated with you, would you want to continue working with them? Would the relationship be damaged? If you needed time to think about a goal and they wanted to know then and there, would that cause issues?

Patience is a quality both sides need to make a mentor, mentee relationship work.

Communication

You have a mentor because you want to learn something. Communication covers a wide range of skills in the world of Mentoring, but the communication skill that allows for effective teaching is arguably the most important. 

A mentor who doesn’t know how to communicate a lesson effectively is not a mentor you are going to learn much from.

Leadership Skills

You may think leadership skills are not so important in a mentor unless you planning on becoming a leader. However, leadership skills cover organization, providing feedback, encouragement, goal setting, and much more. 

All these things are important in a mentor as you are going to need them to help you set goals, to keep you motivated, and you will both need to be organized in order to get the most out of the mentor-mentee relationship.

Track Record

There is a first time for everything. There is nothing wrong with choosing a mentor who has never mentored before. But, looking at the track record of a mentor and seeing how they helped others achieve could help you make your decision. 

Maybe speak to former mentees of the mentor, this will give you a better idea of what it is like being mentored by this person. You will then be better informed of your decision. The more informed you are, the easier it will be to choose someone who is suitable for you.

If You’re Still Unsure

If you have learned everything about the mentor that you can possibly learn but are still unsure. Contact them.

This could be by meeting them for coffee, having a video conference, or even a phone call. The important bit is for this contact to be live. Letters, emails, even texts can all be thought about and re-written. You get a much clearer picture of what a person is like when you can speak with them directly.

Ask them about their life and pay attention to what they say. Try to relax and be conversational. The goal is to learn how well you click with this person and if they are indeed suitable for the kind of mentorship you are after. If all goes well, ask them if they are happy to be your mentor. At this point, you may find they have many questions for you as they will also want to know how good a mentee you will be.