How To Give A Mentee Constructive Criticism

There will come a point in any mentor-mentee relationship where it becomes a necessity to give your mentee constructive criticism. This is a vital step in helping them to succeed in walking the desired path. 

Imagine how they would succeed without it!

Take this scenario as an example. You have a mentee who you are teaching to lead with empathy. They are good at it but are failing to show empathy to everyone on the team, giving favor to those who can do more for them. (A common mistake in empathy leadership.) Now is the time to give them constructive criticism to let them know what they are doing wrong. Without that feedback, they will continue down the path they are on without realizing they are going wrong. 

That’s why your constructive criticism is powerful, important, and necessary.

The Difficulty With Criticism

The problem is, no one likes to know when they are doing bad at something. Even when learning such information is beneficial in the long run. 

We have all been taught by society that criticism is a bad thing. Ever heard it said I shouldn’t have had to tell you! Those remarks instill in us the thought that if we are receiving constructive feedback we are doing something wrong when we should naturally understand what to do.

Because we don’t like to hear bad feedback, mentors have to find a way to give constructive criticism in a way that is appealing, even rewarding. Here are a few tips.

Know Your Mentee

Different people react in different ways. It is therefore important to understand the characteristics of the mentee. 

Pay attention to how the mentee is receiving positive feedback. 

• Do they thrive on it?
• Do they get awkward when they hear it?
• Or is it something they simply acknowledge in a matter-of-fact way?

How they react to the positive can give you an insight into how they will react to the negative. Mentees who thrive on positive feedback might find criticism hard to take. These people are going to need that constructive criticism cushioned, sweetened with all the positive things they did around the problem. 

If they are more awkward and given to embarrassment, then you will want to change tack again. You may want a more relaxed atmosphere. You may alter the way you give constructive criticism to sound more like a conversational coaching point.

Chance are, those who are more matter-of-fact run on a more logical mindset. These people will require more straight-to-the-point words than flowery cushions.

Don’t wait until you need to give constructive criticism to work out the type of person your mentee is. From the very beginning of the relationship, everything they do gives you clues as to the type of person they are. Take note.

Show Empathy

See things from your mentee’s point of view. This is essential to helping you avoid giving constructive feedback in a bad situation. It is always best to give constructive feedback soon after the event leading up to it, but empathy will allow you to use wise discernment in choosing the best time and the best way to give it.

Consider:

• How they feel about you. Are they intimidated? Full of respect? See you as a friend or parental figure?
• How much they have to ride on it. Do they consider this career path as their last chance to succeed? 
• Their desire to succeed. Have they shown a willingness to take everything on board? Or do you feel they are taking the mentoring process lightly?
• Their emotional state. Recent stressful events may have mentally worn your mentee out, in such a state criticism, no matter how constructive, could lead to a mental breakdown.
• How much sleep they have had. A lack of sleep can affect everything about a person, from their mental state to how much information they can take in. 

Before giving constructive criticism, see the world through their eyes at that moment. You may discern that you should leave it until they have rested. Or you may discern that they need a bit more positivity before they can hear what they need to work on. This can change day by day so don’t assume an approach will work because it worked last time. 

Give Encouragement

No matter who you are giving constructive criticism to, it always helps to give encouragement.

A Mentee will find it easier to believe in themselves and their abilities if their mentor believes in them. You can show this by:

• Listening. It isn’t always what you say that a person needs. Listen to what they have to say. Really listen. This shows them that what they are saying is important. Their feelings on a situation are valid. This builds confidence in your mentee.
• Don’t let them see a failure as a failure. Praise the efforts that they have put in, acknowledge the work. Show them that although it didn’t work out the efforts they put in were worth it as they learned something from it.
• Praise the work they do well. The worst thing you can do is ignore a job well done because you expect it of them, this only builds feelings of resentment or thoughts of needing to try harder to impress.
• Use your words wisely. There is a wise verse that reads Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. Salt removes stains, promotes wellness, eliminates bad odors, it is useful, and holds value. Making sure that your words are seasoned with salt encourages and builds people up. It will allow the relationship between you and your mentee to be enduring as you work together to one goal.

Keep It Positive

All constructive criticism has a positive side. If it doesn’t it’s just criticism and not worth giving your mentee. Focus on that positive side to help your mentee shift from the mindset off I’ve done something wrong to I’m learning a new skill to do this better next time. 

For example: Take that mentee we discussed at the start. They are showing empathy to a select few instead of the whole team. How might a mentor turn this constructive criticism into a positive experience?

They might try saying something like this:

It is great to see the way you are developing your empathy skills with your team. – Mention how pleased one of the team members looked during the conversation – I really enjoyed hearing you talk around the situation to find a plan that suited the majority. But there are a few on the team who could benefit more from more direct empathy. How would you use these techniques in are a more direct manner? – Allow for response – congratulate on thoughtful words and repeat back any vital insights they have had, which validates and praises their work. – Discuss how even one member of the team not feeling the full benefit of empathy can tear the work down from the inside and plan a SMART goal together to help everyone feel more included in the next staff meeting.

Did you feel any negativity in the above statement? Instead of feeling like criticism, it feels like a teaching moment. One that helps the mentee to think for themselves and find a way to improve. They learned why it was important and worked together with the mentor to do a better job next time. They may have even discussed this over cake which will have put both parties in a happy and relaxed mood. Do not underestimate the power of cake. 

Make SMART Goals

The role of a mentor is to guide, coach, and teach. The most agreed-upon method to help do this is to set goals. It is always good to set a goal, or a milestone, after giving constructive criticism or while you are giving constructive criticism. This is for 3 reasons. 

1. It shows the mentee that the feedback had a definite purpose as it resulted in a goal with a definite path to improvement.
2. Setting goals is one of many great activities to do with your mentee. It takes the focus of the negative criticism and on to how you can work together to build a brighter future for the mentee.
3. The mentee will be focused on the problem and on fixing the problem while you are discussing it. It is a natural step to utilize this to make a milestone or goal that they can then utilize the next time the situation arises.

Keeping your goals SMART means keeping them Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Making them in the needed moment keeps it specific and relevant to the situation. 

Get Feedback on the Feedback

Once you have had the discussion with your mentee over how they can improve you have the opportunity to understand how your mentee feels about the criticism, so you are both on the same page moving forward.

A few, simple, pointed questions can help you discern how well the criticism went down. This will help you to know if something has been taken a little harshly. Knowing when your mentee is not happy with criticism will allow you to clear the air before they begin to harbor resentful feelings, or develop a grudge. Both are damaging to the mentor-mentee relationship and need to be avoided.

Ask:

• Do you fully understand what we have discussed today?
• Do you have any concerns with the matters we have brought up? (Note we. It is a gentle reminder that you are a team on this mentoring journey.)
• Are there any matters that you wish to bring to the table?

That last one is a good one to ask after every mentoring session, as the mentee may have a burning issue that they want to discuss but are unsure how to bring up.

These questions provide the opportunity for your mentee to clear the air if something is bothering them. It is then up to you to remember to keep your words seasoned with salt even if they do have a problem with something you said. Patience is a must in getting to the root of a problem.