How To Take Feedback When It’s Good or Bad

The problems with taking negative feedback are obvious, people do not like being told they need to improve. The issues with taking feedback when it is good are less obvious and somewhat of a more difficult challenge. 

Feedback, whether positive or negative, directly influences the way we behave. Positive feedback makes us happy, our body language, the way we speak, the way we act, even our mental processes are all affected by the feelings of joy. The opposite is true of negative feedback. 

Knowing how to take feedback means we must also understand how and why feedback affects us. 

How Feedback Affects the Brain

Both types of feedback provide a chemical response in the brain. Once understood, these responses can be controlled to help you get the most out of your feedback. 

Positive Feedback

Dopamine is the brain’s equivalent to getting high. The brain’s initial response to receiving praise is to release some dopamine into your system, rewarding you with feelings of happiness and euphoria. 

This is good. Your own internal system is rewarding you for a job well done. The danger here is letting it go to your head. When one feels rewarded, they can feel better than others, they can be too self-confident, or they risk relaxing on their goals. 

When understood, you can use dopamine t motivate you to reach your next goal or succeed in another department. If allowed to run unchecked, you can become big-headed, changing the way you carry yourself and the way you relate to others.

Negative Feedback

There is a part of the brain that translates information into emotions. The part we know best is the Fight or Flight instinct. Negative feedback, if given in the wrong way, can place you inside this fight or flight response. Here it is harder to properly analyze the feedback we have received as our brain wants us to avoid the danger.

This doesn’t mean you are doomed to fail at making the correct use of feedback if the giver needs more practice. You can counter this cognitive response by labeling the emotions you feel as you receive them. If you feel upset, think ho you are sad. Angry. Tell your brain you are angry. Every label you make prevents your brain from giving that fight or flight response as it is too busy working in another department.

When understood, you can prevent the brain’s fight or flight from ruining your chances at using criticism to your benefit. You can also learn how to reappraise a situation to turn the negative into a positive dopamine-fueled goal. If allowed to run unchecked you will become bitter and resentful of negative feedback, damaging your chances of improving.

Getting The Most Out Of Positive Feedback

You may feel that getting positive feedback is a happy ending. It is a sign that you have done the job well, pat on the back, move on. It is not. The very fact that you move on after feedback shows that there is more to gain from it. So, in order to get the most out of your feedback, there are a few things of great importance to keep in mind.

• You have done a good job… but you still have a ways to go.
  Keeping yourself humble by reminding yourself that there is always room for improvement will prevent you from the dangers of seeing yourself greater than others. You may have done a better job, but that doesn’t make you a better person. Staying humble will keep you approachable, likable, and an overall better person to yourself and others. Allowing yourself to be too proud and self-confident after receiving positive feedback prevents you from taking that greatness to the next level.

• Dopamine is a motivational cycle.
  Dopamine can be used to set up a new goal as the last one is completed, creating a useful cycle of work and reward. If the cycle is stopped it will be harder to get it moving again. Use the positive feedback as a way to keep the cycle moving, plan what you are going to accomplish next, and associate it with the feelings found in that positive feedback.

• Ask about areas of improvement.
  Right now, you are positive, happy, fueled with dopamine, and ready to go. It is the best time to ask for negative feedback because you are less likely to see it as such. If someone has told you that you have done a fantastic job on your last report, ask if there’s anything you can do to improve it, anything you can change to make it easier to read, or anything else you might improve and ring to the level of that report. This approach will help you to set your next goal. 

Remember to take a moment to reward yourself for receiving the positive before moving on to your next goal. This will reinforce the dopamine fuel of happiness and prevent you from burning out. 

Getting The Most Out Of Negative Feedback

Negative feedback can bring us down, especially if we were expecting positive results. That is all part of being human. Having the right frame of mind is essential to getting the most out of negative feedback. It isn’t a telling-off or a way to bring us down. It is an opportunity. Once seen as an opportunity it is something we can work with. Try the following steps when dealing with the difficult situation of disappointing feedback.

• Take a step back. Look at what you did through the eyes of your mentor/manager/team player. See your actions in your mind’s eye and decide as you watch if the feedback is appropriate. 9 times out of 10 the answer is yes. You would have given the same feedback. You may have presented it differently, but you can see the problem. From here you can understand the benefit of what someone is trying to tell you. 

• See the opportunity.
  Negative feedback is a goal. Instead of seeing it as bad feedback, see it as an opportunity to improve yourself. Someone has just given you clear directions on how to become better at what you are doing! Write it down as a goal, imagine the positive feedback you’d get once you get it right, make plans for a deadline for getting it the way you really want it to be, set a reward for when you complete the task. This will start a dopamine cycle of motivation and reward. 
• Ask for details. Whoever gave you feedback probably wants to see you do better. They have told you what they want to see improved, ask them how they would improve it, ask them for details, specific examples, or illustrations. They will be glad that you are showing an interest in making that effort to succeeding and will help. This will help you to get your mind in the mindset of completing a goal and getting your reward, but it will also bring you respect and, maybe, a gentler tongue from the criticizer who wants to see you improve.

It is important to remember not to sulk for too long when you have received negative feedback. You can allow yourself that moment of disappointment but turn it into something positive that you can work towards as soon as possible. This will prevent the negative from becoming and disheartening issue. 

Pay It Forward

Receiving feedback, good or bad, means that you are improving over your life’s course. Pay it forward by giving feedback to those around you. Everyone likes to hear that they are doing well in something, and negative feedback can prevent someone from making the same mistakes over and over again.

The truth of life is that everyone is learning, and everyone needs someone to tell them when they are being amazed or could be amazing. A kind word or thoughtful insight could change someone else’s life and help you to refine your feedback-giving skills.